Etiquette Guide: Break-ups on Social Media

facebook_relationship

If you follow me on Facebook you know that my relationship status hasn’t changed in years! I’ve been very intentional about who I commit to because I’m trying to do this new thing where hopefully the guy that names me as his “girlfriend” will one day name me as his “wife.” Crazy idea, right?! haha… but that last break-up sucked. Frankly they all suck, and now that social media is ever-so- popular break ups suck harder. I’m writing this post to share with you how I survived my break-up on social media.

If you happen to be going through this at the moment my goal is to save you some embarrassment, help you fight off probing folks, and help you move on with your life.  If this can’t help you,  pass it along to a friend!

At first when people are in healthy relationships, they share with their Facebook fam and Instagram followers pics and details about the sweet things that their mate has done for them. Something along the lines of having a picture of a steak dinner, captioned “My girl is the best” or  her having a picture of the two of them as her profile picture.  The relationship is exciting, fun, and loving so couples are anxious to share this aspect of their lives with others. Many social media followers are genuinely happy for the couple as well. Love is contagious :) All of these things has made the relationship public, very public. Now that it’s over, regrettably public. But don’t worry, I will get you through this without a hitch. Just follow these simple do’s and don’ts.

RIRI

Let’s start with the don’ts because if you are doing any of these I want you to stop…right now. So let’s not delay it any further:

Don’ts:

  • Sub-tweet/Repost memes about “a real man” or “a good woman.”  Your ex knows that its about him/her and so does everyone else. If you have something to say to your ex, being that you have all the contact info, you should just say it directly.
  • Stalk every new guy/girl that your ex adds as a friend on Facebook. How’s that going to change your situation?
  • Inquire about your ex’s well-being.  I know you care about him/her but you have to let that go.
  • Post pics of you and random guys, party pics, or glam shots as a way to communicate that your life is so much fun without him.
  • Let the world know that your #np – “Riding Solo”
  • Bad mouth your ex. It reflects poorly on you and your ability to choose a mate.
  • Release a PSA. Your relationship was between the two of you. You don’t owe  folks an explanation for the break-up.
  • Date someone new. A trusted friend once told me that if the relationship was less than 2 years there should be a 6 month time-frame before one starts to date again. If its longer than 2 years, the suggested time-frame of singleness was 1 year. This is the best advice that I can share.  Rebound relationships are tacky, but most importantly they rob you of the time to let your heart heal, and forces your new mate to clean up the last person’s mess (which is totally unfair).

Do:

  •  Delete your ex on your social media sites. (You can always add him/her back once y’all can be copacetic.) Doing this will put a stop to the desire to sub-tweet, prove that you aren’t hurt, or any of that petty stuff. It will allow you to focus on you and your needs.
  • Create a politically correct response. This will come in handy for people who have no business asking you about the break-up in the first place.  8 months after my break-up, I had someone pretend that they didn’t know that we weren’t together just so that they could get the juice. To that I politely responded, ” We just weren’t compatible.”
  • Be authentic in your feelings. If you need to cry, do so.  If you need closure from your ex, feel free to ask for it (you have nothing to lose at this point).
  • Share your feelings with people you trust. This could be a best friend, mom, counselor, or whomever. Just keep that circle small.
  • Spend time with people who love you. It will make you feel better. It’ll remind you that you rock and are awesome just the way you are.
  • Listen to Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo. It has a way of making you excited about being single again. 

Recipes & Reviews: V-day Dinner & a Movie

Hey Lovees,

I know that some of you sweet souls had your fingers crossed as I slaved away in the kitchen for my beau. I’ll be honest, I was nervous!! I consider myself to be a good cook, but we all have our off  days ( I definitely have some stories to tell haha). Thankfully, Valentine’s Day 2014 was not an off day. I accepted the challenge and the food was not only delicious but beautiful. Most importantly, he was happy and well-fed.

Food!Recipes: 

Pad Woon Sen 

The most difficult part of creating Pad Woon Sen (also referred to as yum woon sen)  is mastering the sauce. I started experimenting with the sauces two weeks prior to our vday dinner. Taking the time to perfect the sauce is important because the recipes will differ based on your palate and where you originally had the dish in the first place.  My goal was to create the dish similar to how it was prepared at our local Thai restaurant, which is very different than how it is traditionally prepared in Thailand (based on my limited research).

I used a modified version of this recipe strictly for the sauce:

http://rasamalaysia.com/yum-woon-sen-thai-noodles-salad-with-shrimp/2/

This is what I actually used, per serving:

1 tablespoon of minced garlic
1  tablespoon of  fish sauce
1 tablespoon of soy sauce
2 tablespoons of  brown  sugar
1 tablespoon of chili oil
2 tablespoons warm water
1 tablespoon lime juice

The vegetables that I used were celery, bell pepper, carrots, onion, and mushroom. I was recently introduced to this really cool concept of “blanching.” I boiled a pot of water and added the vegetables for 1-2 minutes then sat the vegetables in cold water (to stop the cooking process). This helped the vegetables maintain their color and have a softer texture once they were ready to be added to the stir-fry.

The noodles are mung bean noodles, which are extremely easy to cook. They can be found at an Oriental Market. They soak in water for 15 minutes, are drained, then stir fried with the vegetables, egg, and meat.

The other interesting part of my cooking adventure was stir frying the chicken. I am vegetarian/pescetarian, he is not. I had to Youtube how to stir fry chicken! I’m so happy that I did that. Did you know you should actually chop the chicken differently for stir fry meals to allow for more even cooking and better absorption of the sauce?

Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb7jOCVEUec 

Hmmmm….the chocolate covered strawberries and the heart-shaped brownies were delicious. Very easy to prepare as well. If you want the recipes for either of those leave a comment and I’ll get it to ya.

Oh! The wine! Okay….so a friend suggested chocolate wine.  She did not warn me but I will warn you, that wine is strong! He and I both ended up opting for milk. Apparently, chocolate wine should be served on ice…you live and you learn.

The Movie

About Last Night

I realized that I can’t say too much because “About Last Night” is still in theaters and I don’t want to be “that person” that spoils the movie. What I can say is that the movie is a good date movie filled with tons of opportunities for laughter. I enjoyed the cast,  there were a few times when I noticed that Micheal Ealy wasn’t the only person on screen. Why is he so beautiful? The best part of the movie for me was how the emotions that some guys experience during relationships was captured through Micheal Ealy’s character.

Many of my Facebook friends characterized the movie as a “Must See.” I don’t agree with that. It is definitely a funny date movie, but if you didn’t see it you wouldn’t be missing out on a classic or anything like that. What’s missing? I can’t quite put my finger on it… I think that given that the movie was released on Vday, I believe that they were intentionally trying to keep the story light. There was a particular scene with Joy Bryant’s character and Micheal Ealy’s character where I thought some complexity was going to be added to the plot and I was wrong, flat out wrong.

As a love story I’d rate it a 3 out of 5. As a comedy I’d rate it a 5 out of 5. Overall rating a 4 out of 5. Hey, those are just my thoughts! What did you think about the movie?