I Saw My Ex

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Walking up the stairs to his apartment I could feel my heart inside of my stomach. I could feel my breath getting heavy – not sure if I was nervous or winded from the stairs but I was thinking it was the former. I hadn’t seen him in months since I decided to end our dating phase. After a 5 month investment of time, emotions, and energy with no commitment it was very clear that a relationship with me is not what he wanted, so I called it off. I would have rather had him choose to be with me but instead I chose to not be with someone who treated me as an option and not a priority, as an accessory and not a necessity, as a…okay I think you get it. So I’m walking up the stairs carrying his books along with all of these thoughts that were floating in my head.

Being that I didn’t want him as a friend (not if he couldn’t be my man #keepingitreal). I was really hoping to be able to hand off the books and leave. At least that’s what the logical part of me was thinking and fixing to do. But as the night unfolded my emotional side followed his lead. I knocked on the door, brain wondering how you greet someone who you once wanted but now not-so-much. He answered. I didn’t go for a hug or a handshake. Standing in the doorway, I simply handed him the books, said “thanks” and was turning around to leave.  Then he asked me, “How are things going?” I turned around and engaged in dialogue with my long lost friend, the guy that I shared basically every detail of my life with for the past 5 months, and it honestly felt great having the opportunity to hear about his recent trips and to touch base with him about mine. I remember peaking at my phone to set a 20 min deadline for our interaction so that I could attend to my to-do list. However, 1 and a half hours later I found my myself admiring his newly grown beard (that he was adamant about shaving when we were together), play fighting, and having a good time with my friend.  I didn’t want to leave but my to-do list was practically screaming out for attention so I said my goodbyes and headed home.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him when I got home and would have loved for him to come help me knock out a few of my to-do list items if it meant that I could spend more time with him. But deep down my heart and my brain were in agreement. As much fun as we had in that short amount of time and as many things that I liked about him in general (attractive, supportive, fun, responsible..), I couldn’t lose sight of the way that he treated me (the way that I allowed him to treat me) throughout our dating experience.  I remember at times feeling like I was playing second fiddle, when I know that I am first chair quality, all the while knowing that some great man is out there waiting for a woman like me to adorn.

I saw my ex and it was much better than I could have even imagined. Although, I’d love to see him again and interact with him more frequently I know that I cannot.  The facts are that he earned his position as my ex, which puts him in my past. And frankly, I don’t think that he should be able to have a platonic emotional connection with me because that’s obviously not what I desire. In that scenario he would be the only one that wins because he’d have his cake and would eat it too and I’d be proactively trying to ensure that I don’t adopt the mindset of hoping that “maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll commit to me” #aintnobodygottimeforthat.

As I grow and discover more about who I am and the type of man that I want, I’m learning to forgive myself for the mistakes that I made (and will make). I’m learning to identify the unfavorable traits that he possessed and learning to RUNNNN from them – haha, but seriously, I’m learning to identify those unfavorable traits so that I don’t start the cycle of dating the same person with a different name. I’m also learning to appreciate all the wonderful things about my ex and to honor our shared memories and for that I thank my (former) “sexi Christian man.”  xoxo

Flirtatious Friday: My Ex Taught Me 10 Things

Hi Lovees,

Thank God for Fridays, especially this Flirtatious Friday. Today I’ll be sharing with you 10 things that I learned from my ex. Have you learned  a thing or two from failed relationships or failed friendships? Maybe we have some of the same key learnings, maybe not? Let me know!

Also, if you haven’t already subscribed on Youtube or followed my blog what are you waiting on?! Keep it fresh ;)

It’s Valentine’s Day :) :(

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Today is one of those days where I sometimes feel like I have to walk on eggshells around certain people. For those that are somewhere in between  blossoming a new relationship and celebrating 40 strong years of marriage, today is a good day! It’s a Hallmark holiday…I get it, I get it. Though, in the midst of all of the candy and cards, today still serves as a great opportunity to remind people to appreciate the special people in their lives, to remember why they fell in love in the first place, and at the very least to have a fantastic night and create a new memory.

However, on the other side of the spectrum there are many people hurting today. For those that struggle with not having companionship, of all the 365 days, this one is the absolute worst. Some of you have never experienced the joys of sharing this day with someone and others are dealing with the memories of celebrating this day with a love that is now estranged. That hurts and the pain is real. Being a little unenthusiastic about the day doesn’t make you lonely, or godless; it makes you human. Your time is coming lovee, #waitonit. In the meantime practice living a life that will allow you to be the best mate that you can be. Practice being patient, kind, selfless, caring and supportive to your friends, co-workers, family members and strangers. This could very well be your season of preparation. Be anxious for nothing…

Another reason not to fret is because….Right here, right now, I am sharing 8 (last-minute) ideas on how you can celebrate this day, whether you are in a relationship OR not.

4 Ways to Celebrate

1) Do something that you’ve been saying that you’ve wanted to do. This could include checking out that new restaurant that opened up in town, treating yourself to a professional massage, take a walk near the lake, get your haircut, or….(fill in the blank).

2) Have dinner with your other single friends. Share with one another what you “love” about each other.

3) Send someone you love (like your siblings, parents, or friends) an e-card. The act of doing something nice for another person usually makes one feel better about themselves. You might also consider wishing a  “Happy Valentine’s Day” to the married couple whose relationship inspires you.  Reflect on their relationship and what behaviors and traits they’ve modeled. Ideally this should remind you of why settling is not an option and make you thankful that you have this time to develop in some areas. :)

4) (I bet you didn’t see this coming). Review your bucket list and life goals. If you don’t have a list, make one TODAY. People who write down there goals are far more successful than people who don’t…Marriage is on my list, but trust me there are so many others on there too! Valentine’s Day is one day out of the year. What dream have you neglected? What to-do item is still pending? Today is just as good as a day as any to get started. Also, how rewarding is it to spend Valentine’s day pursuing one of your dreams, one of your passions, or one of your desires?

4 Ways to Celebrate with your mate 

1) Exchange hand-written love letters and read them to each other aloud.

2) Reveal your inner child. Fight the urge to be cliche. Go to the park, play tag, play hide-n-seek or  shoot some hoops. Make it a competition…loser cooks dinner.

3)  Create a boyfriend tag/husband tag video. This will be a nice stroll down memory lane for you two.  Make sure you share it with me, I’d love to see it!  (If you don’t know what that is, go to Youtube and search “boyfriend tag.” There are tons of videos. You can also search google “boyfriend tag” to locate the questions.

4) Carve both your first initials in a tree. However, this might be illegal. If it is, I encourage you to NOT do it, but instead try going to a place with a great view of you city. Take pictures and soak in the moment.

That’s all I got! Let me know what ideas you have planned or even what haven’t you done but would like to?

Peace Lovee. Enjoy your day.