I Saw My Ex

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Walking up the stairs to his apartment I could feel my heart inside of my stomach. I could feel my breath getting heavy – not sure if I was nervous or winded from the stairs but I was thinking it was the former. I hadn’t seen him in months since I decided to end our dating phase. After a 5 month investment of time, emotions, and energy with no commitment it was very clear that a relationship with me is not what he wanted, so I called it off. I would have rather had him choose to be with me but instead I chose to not be with someone who treated me as an option and not a priority, as an accessory and not a necessity, as a…okay I think you get it. So I’m walking up the stairs carrying his books along with all of these thoughts that were floating in my head.

Being that I didn’t want him as a friend (not if he couldn’t be my man #keepingitreal). I was really hoping to be able to hand off the books and leave. At least that’s what the logical part of me was thinking and fixing to do. But as the night unfolded my emotional side followed his lead. I knocked on the door, brain wondering how you greet someone who you once wanted but now not-so-much. He answered. I didn’t go for a hug or a handshake. Standing in the doorway, I simply handed him the books, said “thanks” and was turning around to leave.  Then he asked me, “How are things going?” I turned around and engaged in dialogue with my long lost friend, the guy that I shared basically every detail of my life with for the past 5 months, and it honestly felt great having the opportunity to hear about his recent trips and to touch base with him about mine. I remember peaking at my phone to set a 20 min deadline for our interaction so that I could attend to my to-do list. However, 1 and a half hours later I found my myself admiring his newly grown beard (that he was adamant about shaving when we were together), play fighting, and having a good time with my friend.  I didn’t want to leave but my to-do list was practically screaming out for attention so I said my goodbyes and headed home.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him when I got home and would have loved for him to come help me knock out a few of my to-do list items if it meant that I could spend more time with him. But deep down my heart and my brain were in agreement. As much fun as we had in that short amount of time and as many things that I liked about him in general (attractive, supportive, fun, responsible..), I couldn’t lose sight of the way that he treated me (the way that I allowed him to treat me) throughout our dating experience.  I remember at times feeling like I was playing second fiddle, when I know that I am first chair quality, all the while knowing that some great man is out there waiting for a woman like me to adorn.

I saw my ex and it was much better than I could have even imagined. Although, I’d love to see him again and interact with him more frequently I know that I cannot.  The facts are that he earned his position as my ex, which puts him in my past. And frankly, I don’t think that he should be able to have a platonic emotional connection with me because that’s obviously not what I desire. In that scenario he would be the only one that wins because he’d have his cake and would eat it too and I’d be proactively trying to ensure that I don’t adopt the mindset of hoping that “maybe, just maybe, one day he’ll commit to me” #aintnobodygottimeforthat.

As I grow and discover more about who I am and the type of man that I want, I’m learning to forgive myself for the mistakes that I made (and will make). I’m learning to identify the unfavorable traits that he possessed and learning to RUNNNN from them – haha, but seriously, I’m learning to identify those unfavorable traits so that I don’t start the cycle of dating the same person with a different name. I’m also learning to appreciate all the wonderful things about my ex and to honor our shared memories and for that I thank my (former) “sexi Christian man.”  xoxo

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Thirsty or Nah?

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Startled…I turned around because I could feel someone standing extremely close to me at the grocery store’s self checkout counter. I was slightly confused as to whether or not the guy, who was placing items on my teeny-weeny counter space, was an employee of the grocery store.  I figured that had to be the reason as to why he was at my self-checkout station, while I was checking out by myself.

Of course I was wrong.

This dapper fellow had questions for me…

Him:  What do y’all do around here on Sundays?

Me: (Still very confused as to why he’d invaded my space…) Go to church, brunch, or something.

He Introduces himself and tells me that he’s in town for a few days. 

Me: Where are you from?

Him: I’m staying at the Crowne Plaza.

Me: (Thinking: what a Freudian slip)  That’s not what I asked you, where are you from?

Him: Oh, Mississippi.

Thankfully, my groceries were scanned and paid for at this point which gave me a smooth exit. 

Me: Okay, cool. Well,  enjoy your time here.

Him: Well, can I have your number?

Me: I don’t think I will be of much assistance to you over the next three days, but I hope you enjoy your stay.

Now….the question. Thirsty or Nah?

Just in case—you are lost. I am not referring to dehydration. I am referring to the slang usage of the word.  One definition from Urban Dictionary is “to be overly/unnecessarily eager for something.”

So, I am tempted to say yes he was thirsty, as evidenced by his line cutting, space invading, being much too close to my methods of payment, and his Freudian slip. However, I am going to say Nah.

I was not too pleased with my interaction with him, mostly because I wasn’t sure if he was trying to pursue female companionship or obtain data for credit card fraud (just being honest). Though, I cannot knock the brother for trying. When I reflect on the situation, I admire the confidence that it takes to walk across a room to a complete stranger, spark up a conversation, and attempt to obtain contact information. There were many men in the grocery store that day; the other ones eyed me in the aisles but he was the only one that made a true attempt. So I do applaud him for that.

Many times women can be so hypocritical. One second a woman will be in an uproar because guys in our generations “aren’t assertive” and because she “never meets any new men.” Though often times, these same women are quick to dismiss a man with a look of disdain when approached.

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As if she can’t believe that he had the audacity to try to interact with her fine self.

 What?!

This is my PSA to women. Don’t make it so hard for these men. When a man approaches you and you are not interested recognize that your lack of interest does not make him less human. Acknowledge his effort; don’t snarl at the poor fellow…Be Nice. Pity dates don’t benefit anyone, so I don’t recommend exchanging contact info if you’re not interested but would it be that difficult to be cordial during the initial interaction?

What are your thoughts ladies/gentlemen? Leave your comments!