Marriage: A Progressive Process

#TBT Today I will be sharing a story from my first blog. If you didn’t read it before, read it now! Who doesn’t like real love stories?  The authenticity and transparency in his story helps us singles and married individuals alike learn about the challenges of marriage (including finances, showing affection, and fulfilling the role as the head of the household )  and joys (such as raising a child, sharing one’s faith, and expressing genuine love for another individual).

Lashaun Powell shares his experiences as a husband and a father to Christine Powell and Emmanuel Powell, respectively.

shaun and Christine

Christine and Lashaun Powell

Lashaun and Emmanuel Powell

Emmanuel and Lashaun Powell

She’s the one
I knew that she was the one because she was different. It was something that I saw in her eyes. I can’t really explain it… I could see love in her eyes. I could tell that she really, really, cared about me.

Igniting the flame
There was a time when I had three jobs and I was going to school, and I couldn’t show her the attention that she deserved. When she and I had experienced a rough patch in our relationship, I didn’t see the spark/the love in her eyes. We realized that we had a problem. We realized that there were some things that we needed to work out. Now, I make more of an effort to make sure that I tell her that I love her. I take time to do things that she likes which includes doing things that I honestly don’t care about. I don’t like to shop for hours, but my wife enjoys that. My wife knows that I don’t like it, so when I actually agree to going with her it makes her day. She also likes watching television shows, so I’ll sit and cuddle with her while she watches them. I purposefully make an effort to do little things like that.

Jesus at the Center
My wife was raised Catholic, now she is a devoted Christian.   Prior to marrying we had marriage counseling with my Pastor. I believe that having faith does have an impact on your marriage. I’ve had to do a lot of praying. When I was single, I was a night owl that slept all day. I had to adjust from that life, to living with my wife and to raising my son.  As the head of the household, I do a lot of giving…sometimes it feels like I’m always sacrificing. My faith has kept me strong; god is keeping me strong.

God speaks to me. One day when I was in church, I heard a voice tell me that I was going to have a son and that his name was going to be Emmanuel. So when I found out my wife was pregnant, I never questioned whether or not I was going to have son because GOD told me. When I told my wife the name, she liked it without any push back. Normally if I say that I like the red shirt, she picks the blue shirt. So I was shocked!

The road we’ve traveled
Initially, there were some hurdles that we had to overcome. We did not cohabitat before we married, so we firstly had to consider whether or not we could live together. Our lifestyles growing up were very different. Together we had to set expectations and standards for one another. Cleanliness was a huge challenge for us. She grew up in a household where her grandmother did all of the cleaning. That was not the case for me, where everyone family member was expected maintained a level of cleanliness.

I’ve learned that it’s also important to be flexible with decisions. Prior to marriage she wanted four children and I wanted two. But… after we had our son, she decided that she wanted two as well!

In addition, we decided to pay down outstanding debt that we had prior to marrying. Everything really is a learning process. I’m currently trying to get her educated on saving and establishing a 401k.

Words of Wisdom
Communicate, always communicate. Marriage is always in the works. No marriage is perfect; you have to constantly work at it. Don’t get caught up in routine, you have to constantly make time to show each other that you appreciate one another. My parents have been together for 40 years and married for 30 years and their marriage is also a constant process. My father taught me that living with another person will always be hard. Merging two different lifestyles will always be hard. It’s important to constantly work at it.

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